In the world of color, green is obviously the leading man of the green movement. Today – Monday, December 1st, 2008 – the official color of the Anti Green Movement is hereinwidthsoforth declared as BROWN. Why is this?
- The green movement is named so because green signifies life among plants. What signifies death among plants? Brown.
- Brown goes well with my eyes.
From now on, I expect you anti-green people to embrace, love, wear, and spread the color brown. How can you do this? Simple. Constantly wear brown. Also, exchange everything in your possession for the same thing in the color brown. If the necessities in life you need (you obviously need necessities) don’t come in the color brown, dye them brown or color them in with a brown permanent marker. Dye your hair brown. I also recommend visiting a tannery once or twice a week to darken your skin to a beautiful golden brown.
EDIT: DO NOT visit a tannery. We have since learned that animal hide is made into leather at tanneries. If you do this to your skin, you will most likely die. If not, you will be in a great deal of pain. I repeat, DO NOT go to a tannery. Go to a tanning salon. ***We assume no responsibility for those of you who have visited a tannery prior to this edit.***
We’re going to make it even easier for all of you to sport the color brown. I’m sure you’re aware of the Victoria’s Secret clothing line called “Pink“. If not, click that link. We’re going to put our own spin on this obnoxious clothing line. We’re going to make it better and change it to “Brown”. Yup. That’s absolutely brilliant. I know. Expect shots of future sweatpants, flip flops, purses, and much more to be popping up in fashion magazines within the next few weeks.
The clothing line Pink is known for sweatpants and shorts with the word PINK prominently displayed on the butt. A gentleman sent me a message saying he will not wear our BROWN clothing line because his “[Rear] is so big that it’s like a billboard. If you wanna put something on that, I’m gonna charge.” True anti-greenies should know better than this man. If you’re really for the anti-green movement, you will let us advertise for free on your backside.
Before you ask, yes. We did include a picture of this attractive girl to get better ratings. We’re trying to spread the anti green movement and we’re more than willing to stoop down to that level. Also, if you didn’t like this post, here’s a somewhat relevant link you’ll like.
9 Comments
Thursday at 3:44 pm
Brown is also a great color because it absorbs heat. If we paint everything brown we’ll soak up more of the suns rays and speed up global warming.
Wednesday at 11:48 am
Mr. MrMoneyBags,
I’m currently researching how we can acquire the company Sherwin Williams. We may need a hefty chunk of money for the purchase. Due to your somewhat cocky name, I assume you have money. I’ll be contacting you soon via email about the acquisition. Thanks for commenting.
Best,
M
Wednesday at 12:27 pm
With winter upon us, I think it’s important to remember to dress in layers…of leather. Brown leather clothing is easy to find, comfortable and warm. It also has the added of advantage of coming from cows. If all of us wear nothing but leather (pants, shirts, jackets, hats, gloves, underwear, bras if you’re among those women or men with the need, etc.) we can drive demand for cows high and increase methane emissions exponentially. If you have trouble finding a particular item in leather, visit the local tannery and pick up some leather to make it yourself. Remember that every little bit helps.
Wednesday at 2:47 pm
Mr. BR,
Love the idea. Good idea for a possible future Climate-Raising Tip. I especially love how you incorporated the word “tannery” in your comment using the word correctly. Keep going anti green!
M
Wednesday at 3:16 pm
M,
I’m just happy to be doing my part to warm the planet. You see so many people around you earnestly talking about greening your lifestyle and reducing your carbon footprint, and you just want to stab them in the eye with a spork. If only more people would care and do less. Maybe I’m naive, but that’s the world I imagine.
BR
Thursday at 4:55 pm
We need “Go Anti-Green For Kids!”
- AP
http://aaronproctor.wordpress.com
http://philadelphia.metblogs.com
Friday at 5:37 am
Aaron – Wonderful. I think I will find it much easier to communicate with children, as I’m somewhat illiterate. At the time of writing this, my reading/writing level is at a 4th grade level. The program should work fantastically.
HB- Wonderful, part 2. I’m all for patriotism, and this is a great thing that you’ve pointed out.
Saturday at 12:07 am
Hey Matt,
Great site here!
I’m a Greenie from Singapore, Singapore but I find your site AWESOME!
Now, it’s a well-known fact that Greenies know how plants produce food – their chlorophyll absorbs the sunlight and produces plant food.
An to have chlorophyll, the leaves myst all be GREEN!
Get what I’m driving at? I’m a Greenie and are thus not allowed to commit any acts of Destroying the Earth, so I guess you’ll have to do it. Do what? Obviously – PAINT ALL PLANTS BROWN! (or any colour other than green, red, yellow or orange, for that matter.)
Or even white if the plants are on rooftop gardens
(Oh, and I have a friend who is in charge of this whole green movement. Should I tell him to just abort the practice of worshipping GREEN and tell him what a holy colour BROWN is instead? The reasons I could use…brown is the colour of tree trunks? Of wood? Please suggest!)
Saturday at 12:10 am
Mr M,
Singapore is a green country, I love my country and there’s ABSOULUTELY NO WAY I’m going to harm the beautiful plants in my GREEN COUNTRY.
But if you want, I’ll go overseas specially for that purpose
9r33n13