It’s officially winter in the midwest. Mother nature has dumped a couple inches of snow upon us. Sadly, this snow will stay on the ground until April because midwest winters are notorious for never raising above 32 degrees Fahrenheit.
I park my car outside, which is really awful in the winter. Snow or no snow, an inch-thick layer of ice forms on every window of your car overnight.
Back in the day of high school, this layer of ice on the windshield was a huge burden to me. School, which was 20 minutes away from my house, started at 7:50. Naturally, I woke up at 7:30, put some clothes on, chewed a piece of gum because that’s quicker than brushing your teeth, ate a couple of untoasted Pop-Tarts, and was on my way by 7:33. But in the winter, I would have to clean the ice off of my car or face immediate death while driving due to the 0% visibility factor. Most days, I chose to clean the ice off. This took me anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes. Because of this setback, I was late to school just about every day in the winter.
I eventually wised up (is it “wised” or “wose”?) and changed my winter morning routine. I would wake up, go outside and start the car with the heat blasting, get ready for school, then go to school. By the time I got to my car, all the ice had melted off. This worked beautifully and was great for Anti Green efforts.
Insert: Woman thinks she's great because she has a remote car starter; subsequently has only 3 Myspace friends
I quickly realized the major flaw in this plan. I got really cold when I went outside to start the car right after I woke up in my pajamas. At first, I considered buying one of those fancy remote car starters. My buddy had one of those. He always showed it off and thought he was better than everyone because he had one. Everyone who didn’t have a remote car starter despised him solely because he had one. Knowing this, I scratched that plan. I couldn’t have everyone despising me. I’m a likable guy.
It’s been awhile since high school, and I’ve wose up even more. Why waste your time starting your car a few minutes before you leave when you can just keep it running at all times? There are three benefits of this:
- Your car will be in perfect condition any time you need it.
- Your car will be emitting a great amount of carbon dioxide, which will raise the climate, which will make winter less harsh.
- You won’t be one of those a-holes who uses a remote car starter.
To sum this tip up – keep your car running 24/7, even when you’re not in or near it. You may be afraid of theft, so here’s how you deal with that problem. Pretty much all cars these days come with two keys. While the car is running with one key inside, simply lock the doors so no one can get in. Use the second key for access to the running car.
EDIT: A reader asked me why I don’t just use Summer Wheeze on my icy car windows. Loyal reader, I hate to break it to you, but Summer Wheeze is in fact a fictional product only found in the world of Frosty Returns. Again, I truly apologize. I hate to be the bearer of bad news.
Great idea! I think I might just put my dogs in my truck while it’s running to protect it from being stolen. I’m not inhumane, I would give them meaty chili to eat and beer to drink to keep them alive. The meaty chili and beer serve two other purposes. Doggie gas-flatulence and they will also have a belligerent attitude when any greenies try to break in to turn the truck off.
Thats what i do. Leave it running, lock the dog inside (it is a bad dog…) and go do my business. The dog is happy and my car cool/warm.
I only condone this if the AC is left on for the dog. Dogs are awesome. Did you know that God spelled backwards is doG?
We may also want to create a viral marketing campaign for ’70s era muscle cars. Possible slogan: Feel the power! In my town alone there are 25 listings on Craigslist. Old vans and trucks could be part of the next campaign. Really, anything that predates modern emissions and CAFE standards.
Hi I love the site. I’m doing my part with my Ford Explorer SUV it burns a fair amount of gas and I love taking it on short 1 block trips to the store in the winter. Sometimes I want to walk but I think to myself “F**k that it’s cold as d**k outside.” Besides start and running a cold engine is highly inefficient and a great way to lower your MPG. I also love deflating my tires a few PSI’s only pussy’s fully inflate their tires.
Also in the spirit of the holidays and snow, why shovel your driveway and walkways. Use Molotov Cocktails. The heat generated by these devices should melt the snow and and as it melts the glass will runoff into the street the glass should puncture the sissy Prius tires as they drive by. It’s the best of both worlds you burn/waste natural resources and you get to be lazy. You can’t go wrong! ^_^ GAG for life brother!
I just took the door off of my fridge. Makes food easier to get to.
All of you are brilliant. What would a blogger do without readers like you?
matt
Wow, This is great…”subsequently has only 3 Myspace friends”< Too funny man!
Good Work!!!
You know the funniest thing about greenies? They probably ruin the environement more than we do! They always frown at me when I am driving through their town in my 1978 Jimmy. I have all the racing gear under the hood and big tires and it makes them even more mad. How could greenies be so hypocritical you may ask? Well just think about it most of them are anti-mining, anti-nuclear, anti-hydro power and so on, but at the same time they want everyone to have a hybrid or electic car. Well lets see lead is in batteries. Lead comes from mines. If everyone goes electic then there will be a greater demand for electicity and more need for dams, nuclear power or coal. So I may be a “redneck” but at least I am not a brain washed greenie zombie. Thanks for setting up the site it is nice to know that there are others who think the same. P.S. I always burn wood when camping and I heat my house and shop with wood and coal this makes the greenies really mad.
Genius blog!!!
To do my part, I like keeping my thermostat as high as possible. I also like driving to the store and buying space heaters, then having them run at full speed, too.
When I get home from work, its super hot, and then I can turn them off and be as comfortable as possible!
PS. Always ask to get your groceries triple bagged. I like the Plastic-Plastic-Paper combo.