My friends, the Christmas season has approached fast. So fast that I’ve only been able to give you one tip that takes advantage of the Christmas season. My sincere apologies. Here are a few more Christmas season tips you need to start now.
- Quadruple layer the wrapping paper. In actuality, you should shoot for anywhere between 10 and 20 layers, but I didn’t know the technical term for any number higher than four. Not only will this help TAGM, but your gifts will look much larger. Bonus: young kids LOVE unwrapping presents. For them, I suggest you wrap a ball of wrapping paper about 50 times. It will be the equivalent of opening 50 presents!
- Send giant Christmas cards to everyone, especially people you don’t know – just make up some addresses and names. Your personal goal is 500 cards. Bonus: include a 15 page report of everything your family’s been up to for the past year. If 15 pages is a bit much for you, write actual information on the first page and gibberish on the 14 following pages. People only read the first few words anyways. Be sure to lie exaggerate about your mediocre life to make yourself look better than everyone else. This will show the world that life as an AG is the one and only life to live.
- Some greenies plan on planting their Christmas trees after Christmas. This is stupid. Burn it. Host a tree-burning party at your house. I recommend going outside for the actual burning.
- Use cheap plastic decorations. When the season is over, burn them.
There you have it. I hope you all have a somewhat alright Christmas.
9 Comments
Sunday at 4:04 pm
You should also fry your turkey in as much grease as possible and dump it right into a nearby river or stream to avoid paying dumping fees on grease.
In fact, you should throw as many of those unwanted gifts into the stream as possible too. Regifting is just insulting and this will help you avoid that social faux paus.
Wednesday at 5:15 pm
Tonight I’m just going to use one “Happy New Year” noisemaker, throw it away, then use another, throw it away, etc.
Sunday at 11:07 pm
You shouldn’t just use plastic decorations, use plastic everything. Make people use a new plastic cup and plate each time they go for more.
Then you burn them.
Friday at 10:06 am
How can I have an AG Valentine’s Day with my sweetheart? Tips, please!
Friday at 1:35 pm
LMAO… god that was funny.. I hereby declare the founding of theFirst church of Global warming.. I like heat. I want to see women in Bikinis..
Thursday at 4:48 pm
I’ve noticed that people on this site talk a lot about burning plastics. This has only a minor and short lived affect on the atmosphere. All the polutants and CO2 are easily and quickly recycled through the Oceans and plants. Do not be distracted by the joyful blue flame that erupts from burning plastics – remember; in the landfill they will last for centuries. If you are truly AG, you must leave a mark that provides enjoyment for years to come, not just for the moment of the incinerating flares.
Monday at 12:02 am
Now the real change is happining here!
keep goinpresentation g I need more ides for my power point project for school! The subjest is Environmentalism and what a shap it really is!
Monday at 12:10 am
Amber,
You probably shouldn’t be creating this presentation while drunk.
Matt
Wednesday at 1:22 pm
Here’s our yearly ritual: Take your old xmas tree, pour gas on it, then use bottle rockets from the 2nd story deck and blast the tree til it ignites! Great way to get the neighbors together and have a beer…