The Anti-Green Movement

If you’ve been reading the blog lately, you know that my safety is now constantly threatened by vengeful Greenies.

You also know that I’m going on a summer Anti-Green tour. On this tour, I’m going to encounter plenty of people. Some of these people will most assuredly be Greenies. Some of them may want to hurt me. This is why I have bought a gun to protect myself.

Do not fret. Read on. I haven’t bought a gun that can kill people. I have bought a gun that is designed to stop only Greenies dead in their tracks. Anti-Greenies are immune to this type of gun. Also, this gun does not need bullets.

You’re dying to know what kind of gun I’m going to protect myself with.

Well, think about it. What do Greenies hate with a burning passion? What do Greenies fear the most? What do Greenies fight against every day?

Carbon dioxide. I will be protecting myself with a CO₂ gun, also known as an airsoft gun.

Usually, CO₂ guns are used to shoot plastic pellets. The plastic pellets are propelled with a carbon dioxide canister. Bursts of carbon dioxide force the pellets to shoot from the barrel. These guns are fairly safe; some people use them to engage in friendly battle.

I won’t be shooting any plastic pellets with my CO₂ gun. I’m going to be shooting mine with an empty magazine. Why? Because the gun will shoot carbon dioxide. When threatened, I will point my gun at Greenies and shoot 100% pure carbon dioxide directly at their face. This will stun the Greenies and render them defenseless.

If this technique fails to harm, I will inject them with gasoline or lock them in a room full of burning plastic water bottles.