The Greenies hate it when we put stuff in bodies of water. We could probably pour some water into water and they would rally against it. We’re allowed to dump things on land, so why can’t we dump things in water? We have landfills, so why can’t we have waterfills? What are you saying, people of the world? Are fish more important than humans?
One might argue that we can’t have waterfills because fish and birds can get stuck in those plastic 6-pack rings, but people can get stuck in those rings just as easily. I eat a lot. I don’t always watch what I’m about to consume. You never know. This travesty is not fair. This means that we need to throw as much stuff as we can into water. I’ve made a few rules for this climate-rising tip:
- Don’t dump into other people’s bodies of water. That’s rude. If someone took a dump in your body of water, wouldn’t you be extremely upset? Only dump things into your own body of water. If you do not have a body of water, dig a hole, insert a liner, and fill it with water. Then dump.
- Please do not throw bodies into your body of water. While this would be quite ironic and make me giggle, throw only inanimate objects into the water.
- Only throw in items that the fish and sharks will enjoy. They don’t want your old unusable crap. They want fun things, like ponies and ice cream and bicycles. Notice how I singled out fish and sharks in this rule. Do not cater to stingrays. In fact, if you have any stingray poison, toss some in. I think we all know why I harbor a strong hatred for stingrays.
Step 1: Dump crap into water.
Step 2: Thumbs up. You've done your part to destroy the world.
While you’re still in an Anti-Green mindset, check out this short film inspired by The Anti Green Movement. It’s quite funny. Thanks to Jordan Letang.
7 Comments
Wednesday at 3:45 pm
Excess detergent is an especially thoughtful piece of dumpage. The fish want to be clean too. Not dolphins though. They’re the hippies of aquatic life.
Thursday at 1:46 pm
dolphins are gay sharks
Friday at 12:04 am
Maybe sharks are heterosexual dolphins.
Monday at 4:12 pm
Or metrosexual manitees.
Sunday at 3:45 pm
Love this site!
Saturday at 9:11 pm
Yeah, i could tell you “eat a lot,” as you indicate in your post.
Most “anti-greenies” are as heavy as Amazonian Manatees. Especially the ones from the Midwest.
xo
Saturday at 9:43 pm
Topanga,
As you can tell from my picture above, you’re absolutely correct. I’m extremely obese. Yes, I might even go so far as to say that I’m as heavy as an Amazonian Manatee.
It’s kind of odd you mention this though, because looking at your avatar, you seem to have a BMI very close to mine (which is 23.1 by the way).
While a simple number like a body mass index may unite us in friendship, you are much more sophisticated than I because I’m much less serious-looking and I don’t pout while taking pictures.
Love you babes. xo.